Avalanche Of Oddness

I think I'm gonna make myself a new LJ-account. Don't like this one much.

OMG, OMG, OMG! The Muse-concert was two days ago, on tuesday. The best fucking day of my life! I can't even describe it. It was simply amazing.

I've been less than ten meters from Matt Bellamy!!!

Me and him. It's over. Doesn't feel right to say we "broke up", cause we weren't really in a relationship. We just fooled around a bit. But I really, really liked him. I still do. I kinda thought I might have found someone not-that-far-from-perfect, but it didn't work out. Or actually, it worked out just fine. The problem was, I think, that he wasn't sure. The words he used were "I'm not serious." So we sorta agreed, or he said and I didn't argue, that fooling around was a bad idea when we didn't really want the same thing, and he wasn't serious about it. I dunno. I don't really know how he feels/felt about me. I don't know if it was simply that he didn't have the right feelings for me, or if it was some other shit. The bottom line is: just friends.

I feel empty. I haven't cried. I probably should.




(Oh, and I decided to delete the Granittrock-picspam. Because I'm too lazy to fix the sizes. It may come back if I get the time and energy to resize all the pictures.)

Lovelife is still uncertain. Yeah. Dunno what's going on.

He says we need to talk about us. Or actually, what he said was that he "owes" me a conversation about us. I'm worried.

I just discovered that Robert Jordan died yesterday. I don't know what to say. I can't really believe it. Seriously, I can't. What'll happen with the last Wheel Of Time-book?

That picspam I promised you. Well. It's coming. I just need to get photobucket to co-operate.

I said I'd give you the whole story about my maybe-boyfriend, so here goes...

Last week, on Thursday, we went to the park together. We ended up laying on the grass, watching the sky (which was, sadly, cloudless. I like finding funny shapes in the clouds, but that's not really the point). We talked for a while, held hands, cuddled, and then he kissed me.
Everything's good so far, right? Well, here comes mr. Confusion and knocks on my door. After he kissed me he told me that he didn't want me to get my hopes up, because there was some stuff going on in his life that was kinda messed up (I don't really know much about what or why). So we talk some more, cuddle, kiss, and so on. He also says that we probably shouldn't be doing this, because he's bad for me, or something.
All in all, it was a nice day. He said some things that confused me, but he also said some really nice things, and I was pretty much happy when I left.

That night I really didn't get much sleep, I was just really, really confused. The next day (friday), I talked to him at school. I asked him what he meant when he said he was bad for me. He said that he was very "self-destructive", and that because of that he messed things up for the people around him. We talked for a while about our lives and our problems and shit, then we hugged for a really long time. I think I was kinda holding on to him like my life depended on it. Whenever I hug him, I feel like I never want to let go, because it feels so safe.
He still said he didn't want to give me any false hopes, because he wasn't sure what he really wanted. I wasn't sure, either (I'm still not). We just agreed to take it one day at a time, and see what happened.

Later that day I was with Alexa, and we talked for a while, and it felt good to share all the chaos with someone. But I was feeling real weird inside. Like I was physically ill, even though I wasn't (I get like that when I'm worried about something).
When I came home that night, I sent him a message (on facebook, no less. Addicted, anyone?), asking what he meant by saying that he didn't want me to get my hopes up. If he meant that there couldn't be an "us" right now, or if there could never be anything, or something completely different. The next day I got his reply. He said that the way things are right now in his life, there can't be an "us". He also said that he can't see if there ever will be, because he can't see further than the present. So again we just agreed to take it one day at a time.
I was feeling a bit awful all Saturday (even though it was my birthday), because what he said kinda crushed all hope I had that we could ever have a proper relationship. On Sunday I was i tiny bit less down. I talked to Alexa, and to Marit (she's my dance instructor, my friend and the person who keeps me sane when I think I'm loosing it), and they made me feel a little better. I was feeling apathetic, rather than devastated, which i guess was an improvement.

Then, sometime in the afternoon, I was talking to Him on msn, when he suggested we meet. I was kinda dying to see him, so it made me really happy. But nervous, too.
We met, we walked, we talked a bit about nothing in particular, and about we talked a bit about us. It was raining, so we were kind just walking from tree to tree, finding dry spots here and there. The last hour-and-a-half or so was basically spent cuddling and making out. He made some joke about messing with the heads of little girls (he's one year older than me, and constantly makes fun of me for being "tiny"), and I said something like: "Yeah, you're real good at messing with my head". I felt kinda mean making a point of it, but it's the truth, he makes my already chaotic mind even more confused. He said he was sorry, and that he felt really guilty about making me feel that way. He said if it was really that bad for me, I shouldn't be there with him. But I wanted to be there. So we walked, talked a tiny bit every now and then, and made out. It was really nice just being with him.

It's all still a huge "maybe", and I'm confused as hell. However, I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather have him as a confusing part of my life, than to not have him in my life at all.
He makes me really confused, but he also makes me so happy. I feel safe when I'm around him. I feel like I don't have to be all big and tough and self-confident. The first day, when we were in the park, I kinda curled up next to him on the ground, and he said that I was like a small animal curling up like that, and I said that yeah, I probably was, but it's kinda nice to be allowed to be small sometimes. That's how he makes me feel, like I can be small, and insecure, yet still be safe. And that's what I need. I don't really need a steady boyfriend (even though it would be nice, of course), I just need someone who makes me feel safe.

I don't know what "we" are, or what we have. I don't know if I can call it a relationship. He's not my boyfriend, but it's definitely way past just friendship. Neither of us really know what we want, we just do whatever we feel like, right then and there. And I can live with that. Taking it slow, taking it one day at a time, no commitments. We've agreed to just wait until we're sure what we want. I don't know when that'll be. I'm not sure what I want. I have a lot of confusing shit in my life, I'm just barely getting over this guy I met during the summer, and I don't think rushing into anything too serious is the best idea for me right now.

Sorry about how long this got. Wonder if anyone'll actually bother to read all of it.




Other stuff: I believe I promised to post a picspam from granittrock. Dunno when I'll do that, maybe later today. I'll also tell you about my birthday later.

My maybe-boyfriend is still maybe. I don't really know what's going on. I'll give you the whole story later.

Happier news: I was at Granittrock today, which is a free concert/minifestival-thingy. I saw Minor Majority, and it was just as amazing as the last time I saw them. I also saw Turbonegro, which was also great. I'll give you guys a picspam from the Minor Majority concert, and maybe some from Turbonegro later. Tomorrow, or sunday.

Oh, and I'll be 16 in about 10 minutes :)

I may have a boyfriend. I may not have a boyfriend. I don't know. It's all very weird at the moment.

I went to town today with Anniken (bokhylle) and Alexa (lionhill) to buy a t-shirt. I wanted to buy three, but I'm poor, so I had to choose one :( I ended up with a Green Day-tee. I also bought a Doors-patch, a Strokes-button and a Green Day-button. I made a deal with myself not to buy any more band merch until the Muse-concert. Seeing as I'm always broke, and band-merch is really expensive, that won't really be a problem.

Anyway, a little picspam from today.


Waiting for the metro/subway/whatever.


Converse. Weeeeeee


Some person Alexa knows. I should've known him, too, really, since I went to the same school as him for two years. I think maybe his name is Fredrik, but I'm not sure.


She doesn't like being photographed when not making faces, apparently, so she... made a face.


And so did Alexa.


Simpson, the car.


"I'm with stupid"


Anniken's laughing at Idon'tknowwhat, and Alexa's messing with her hair. Yup.


Person whose name might be Fredrik, again.


Anniken clearly doesn't know the difference between "converse" and "canvas" (no offence, hun).


The first t-shirt I tried on. The one I ended up buying. My face looks weird. I blame Alexa, who shot the photo.


The second t-shirt. I look weird here, too.


She was bound to get one decent shot of me. I really liked this tee, but... it's white. I don't wear white. Plus I don't really listen to the Doors as much as I listen to Green Day and MCR, and since I liked the Green Day-tee better than the MCR-tee, I ended up with Green Day.


OMG, this guy is adorable! And we got free hugs. And you can't read it here, but he has a pink button that says "I'm small and cute". I wish I had gotten a better picture of him , though, cause his adorableness isn't as adorable here as it really was. But you get the general idea.


Alexa was too busy reading Kerrang to notice me and my camera.


Now I'm going to read the two latest issues of Kerrang, and then I'm going to sleep.

Just wishing Bokhylle a happy birthday. Now you're the same age as me! At least for a few days =P

Other stuff: I had PE today, and then later I had dancing. Folk dance. Me loves folk dance. Folk dance is fun. But I'm tired. Exhausted, really. Dead, it feels like.

I'm the one in the black t-shirt, with my back to the camera, dancing with the guy in the yellow t-shirt. This picture is from my first "gathering". We have these weekends, which we call "gatherings", four times a year, where people from all over the eastern parts of Norway meet to, well, dance a lot and get very small amounts of sleep. Anyway, this is from january/febuary, when I had just started, so I wasn't all that good, but of course you can't really see that from this picture.

I'm considering going to bed early today. I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep lately. I stay up till midnight and then I have to wake up at six. Yeah. That's probably real healthy. And I'm working tomorrow. And sunday. And I don't want to be dead tired at work. So, yeah, I may actually try to go to bed early. Maybe.

(I realize this is my second post today, but what the hell)

Okay, so I've started at a new school this fall. And I love it! It's so much better than my previous school. I was so glad to get away from there. I had (and still have, really) a few really great friends there, and some awesome teachers, but apart from them, it kinda sucked. Most of the girls thought the world was all about having the most expensive clothes and the most make-up on their ugly faces. And also, how everyone treated me every time I got good grades (which was kinda often) was really annoying.

Anyway, my new school. It's awesomeness!!! I love high school (it's called "videregående" in Norwegian, and it's not really exactly like high school, though. The Norwegian equivalent last for three years, not four, and it's not compulsory. Also, high school for us is 11th, 12th and 13th grad (though we call it 1st, 2nd and 3rd), wheras in the U.S I believe it's 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th. Or something like that).
People at Katta (my school) are awesome! It's so great to be going to a school where people have great taste in music and clothes, where they actually care about doing well at school and where one's "allowed" to be smart (you need really good grades to be accepted, so I'm for once I'm not the only "nerd").
I only knew one other person in my class when I started, but it doesn't matter, because everybody's awesome. There's this really cute and funny guy who I've decided is my soulmate. Seriously. Both of us used to do kickboxing and handball, both of us play guitar, we both hope we'll be blowing things up in chemistry. Yeah. Okay, maybe he's not my soulmate, but he's awesome. And there's this really nice girl (who's also going to the Muse-concert, btw) who lent me Eclipse (an awesome book, the third in a series by the fantastic Stephenie Meyer). And there's lots of other cool people. And I know a few people in second grade, so being new and youngest isn't really all that scary.

Yeah. I'm done now.


This is what my school looks like

I just wanted to ramble a bit about Muse. They're coming to Norway in October, and I have tickets! OMG! I'm not usually a crazy fangirl like this (or maybe I am), but I never ever get to go to conserts (well, I was at the Øya-festival, but still...), so I'm pretty psyched. Yeah.

I think I'm gonna break down or something if they play Starlight. That songs means a lot to me, not only because it's a great song (which it totally is), but also because it was the song that really made me fall in love with them. I've liked them since I first heard Unintended, which was years ago, but I didn't love them before Starlight. That song made me buy Black Holes & Revelations, such a great album, and as a consequence to actually owning an album and listening to them 24/7 I downloaded lots of other song. So then I discovered many new favorites, such as Plug In Baby, Thoughts Of A Dying Atheist, Sing For Absolution and Falling Away With You (and many others, too).

Matt Bellamy is God. So is lots of other musicians, but Matt was the first one I started calling God. He is the reason I call musicians God.

I'll probably write more about this later. I'll probably litter my posts with "OMG, I'm so totally looking forward to the consert". Yup.

Bye, for now.

I'm not going to go completely crazy and write everything there is to say about me right now. But I will write some stuff.

I'm a fifteen year old girl from Norway (almost sixteen). My birthday is two days prior to Mikey Way's. I find that amusing, and I'm also kinda proud of it.

I love music. I live and breathe music. I listen to music, I dance, I play the guitar and the piano. Music is my goddamn life.
Art is my life, too. I draw, paint sometimes (not very often) and shoot photos. I'll probably post photos here. Maybe drawings, too. Not sure.
I LOVE books. Books are my precioussssssss. I like writing, and my numver one hero is Bret Easton Ellis.

Let's do some lists.

Fav bands/musicians:
Placebo, Nirvana, My Chemical Romance, The Killers, The Strokes, Muse (I'm seeing them on the 23rd of October. I can hardly wait), Patrick Wolf, Rufus Wainwright, Ida Maria, Matt & Kim, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, The Clash, The Smiths, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Ramones, Sex Pistols, Metallica, The Doors, Green Day, Valkyrien Allstars and many, many, many more.

Fav authors:
Bret Easton Ellis, Haruki Murakami, Douglas Coupland, Stephenie Meyer, Francesca Lia Block, Nick Hornby and lots of others, too.

Fav thingies:
pencils, my sketchbook, my laptop (his name is Rufus, after Rufus Wainwright), CDs, money, pens, flowers, my sewing machine, books, my iPod Shuffle (it's orange. It's purty), notebooks, my diary, my Converse (they're purple. They're even purtier than my orange iPod), lots and lots of other stuff.

Let's stop with the lists. You'll get to know me better as time goes by. Went I post lots and lots, which I probably/hopefully will.



Here's me at Blå (which means "blue"), one of my favorite places in Oslo. This is on a Sunday, and every Sunday there's this kind of market/fair there, which I love.
Lookie, I'm wearing my purty purple converse! And my wonderful purple jeans. I like purple.

This is just so my journal won't be completely empty. I don't have much to write right now, but I'll do an "about me" later. I'll probably post a lot, so you'll hear from me soon.